Posted by: Hummingbird James | August 27, 2010

In which I actually post something longer than a couple of lines, AKA I post something with an incredibly long and completely unnecessary title that is turning into a terrible idea right about now.

Well, I suppose I’d best type something out. I think that you should have something…. creative as your first post from me. So, I’ll give you the plot summary for the two attempts I’ve made at making a novel during NaNoWriMo. Attempts, because I’ve not yet had the drive to push past 6k words.

My first attempt, in ’08, was about a group of Vikings who were sent on an incredibly clichéd quest for an incredibly clichéd MacGuffin on an incredibly clichéd path. I’ve forgotten most of the details, but one of the major portions of the story was the Mountains of Showaddywaddy, where the group was subjected to the best and worst of the 80s. Despite this being set in the time before quad-digit years. Yeah. I was kinda stupid then. Also I was completely unoriginal and named the main character after my brother’s character in his Viking recreation troupe.

My second attempt was set in a universe where belief caused things to come true. Sure, clichéd as fuck but hey. This meant that If You Clapped Your Hands And Believed (have fun wasting your life!) anything could happen, such as God existing, you being able to fire lasers out of your eyes or a stack of pizza boxes spewing out their contents, which then form into armour for you. That last part was actually going to become a plot point. The backstory of this universe pretty much made it a present day Warhammer 40k without the aliens and with more Film Noir. The main characters, whose names I cannot for the life of me remember, were a pair of detectives. One neurotic OCD beanpole and one tough, gritty and stereotypical hardboiled dick. (They fight crime.) Unsurprisingly, as soon as I realised its similarity to W40k, I pretty much gave up.

I think that this time, I’ll start planning for NaNoWriMo early, instead of turning up on the day and just shitting out whatever comes to mind. Of course, the shitting part is probably the main part of NaNo but really. I’m not really sure what to write about, though. If those of you who are actually reading this want to, you can comment with your ideas. That includes you, Peter.

Pizza armour is actually kinda cool, to be honest. It’s just so ridiculous.

Edit: Just remembered that a good portion of the second attempt’s story was inspired by this LoadingReadyRun video; such as the film noir atmosphere and the pizza parlour ran by The Chief. Who may or may not be named Sid.


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